10 Things You Should Never Say to Someone in Recovery

Addiction impacts millions of Americans each year. The chances you know someone or potentially multiple people going in recovery are high. Recovering from drug or alcohol use disorder can be very challenging, but communication and encouragement from family and friends can go a long way. Sometimes we try to be supportive, but we don’t realize things we say can actually have a negative impact. If you stay away from saying these types of phrases your loved ones will feel safe, supported, and confident they are on the right path.

Coalition Recovery offers Tampa Bay addiction treatment programs in our supportive treatment center, including a family therapy program. Learn more by connecting with our team at 888.707.2873 today.

What Not to Say to Someone in Addiction Recovery

1. I Know How You Feel

So many people make this mistake. Your intentions are good—you want them to feel like they are not alone in their situation, but in reality, you are diminishing their feelings and experiences. Chances are unless you have struggled with addiction yourself, you cannot relate to their feelings. Instead, Say “I can’t imagine what you are going through—but I am here for you and willing to help you in any way I can” Those in Recovery are not asking for a connection but help. Having a prior addiction yourself is not necessary to help someone through recovery. Check in on them and make plans together, attend meetings with them, help them talk to family and friends. Just be there for them.

2. I’m Sorry

This is a tricky one because it depends on when you say it. If your friend informs you he/she has an addiction, it would be appropriate, but too many times it comes after “I used to have an addiction”. Not being able to drink or use drugs does not require any sympathy or an apology. Saying “sorry” only tells the person they are missing out on something great when in reality they experience a much better life. Focus on new possibilities instead of the things they can no longer do. In fact, being free from addiction calls for a celebration! It takes a lot of hard work and dedication to be where they are now, and they are in a much better place than when they were addicted to alcohol or drugs. So when someone tells you “I’m in Recovery” tell them “Congratulations! That’s incredible!”

3. How Many More Meetings Do You Have Until You’re Cured?

There is really never a time when someone is “cured” of an addiction. The possibility of relapse is always present. Recovery never stops, and therefore it is always a good idea to attend meetings as long as you can. Meetings keep those in recovery surrounded by similar people who have similar thoughts and experiences. They can share their problems and experiences with people who understand, in an effort to feel less isolated. Recovery is not a lifelong punishment and should never be viewed as such. Instead, try to view these meetings and the tools in recovery (such as the 12-step program) as something positive. It is important to remind them you support their actions. Try saying “It’s so great you have found a place to express yourself freely.”

4. I Had No Idea

Once again, the intentions here are good. Being addicted to drugs carries the stigma of many different negative traits, and while you may see this as a slight reassurance, it focuses the attention on them. Hiding an addiction can be shameful, while telling people about an addiction takes strength. Tell them you are proud and glad they told you. It’s important to reinforce the fact that they have made the right choice to become sober. Reinforcement will, in turn, promote more strength. Try saying instead, “I’m proud you have made the choice to improve and beat your addiction”

5. Can You Ever Try It Again?

In almost all cases the answer is “no,” so it is better to depress temptation. The question implies there is an end goal to finally have fun again. Let them know that drinking and/or doing drugs is not essential to have a good time. Remind them relationships and health are the ultimate goals to a happy life. Instead of asking them this question, say “Stay strong, I know you can do this!” Of course if you see him/her having a drink, it would be appropriate to ask them if it is a good idea. In almost all cases, more than one drink (more than two especially) is a sign of relapse. Drinking alcohol is not the same for someone in recovery as it is for you. Unless you have struggled with addiction yourself, you will not be able to understand how much control the substance can have over a life. They made the choice to become sober for a reason - the risks and harm the drug created were too severe to continue.

Chances are being sober is much more relaxing and enjoyable than drinking or using drugs. Try instead to focus on the positives of sobriety. People find many little things they missed when they were under the influence - such as the sound of birds chirping or the smell of flowers in a park. Those in recovery are finally able to live a functional life. Many are able to obtain a new job and rekindle relationships with friends and family. Along with recovered relationships, a lot of people realize how much time they have in a given day. Sobriety helps them experience the world (remember it) which in turn leads to a better and more fulfilled life. Tell them: “Let me know if I can do anything to make this easier for you” Chances are they just want someone to have sober fun with. Be there for them, talk to them about how much life is better now that they are sober. It will reinforce the mindset that there is more to the world than drinking or using.

7. I Don’t Think It Would Be Hard for Me to Stop

Whether you are right or wrong, this is ignorant. Everyone is different. We have different genetic makeups, different upbringings, and different environments. These factors are why some people are able to stop drinking while others are more susceptible to acquiring a problem. Even if you mean it in the most sincere way possible, it will ultimately come across as condescending. Instead of creating a competition of willpower, try to view the problem from their side. If you tell them “I’m so thankful you were able to gain your control back. I am extremely proud of your progress.” they will feel more supported and less judged.

8. Be Our Designated Driver

Putting someone who’s in recovery into an environment where everyone around them drinks is never a good idea, even if they are years sober. This only leaves them to resist temptation all night. It is better to have them drop you off or pick you up and keep them away from the environment altogether. Be sure to include them in another plan. Ask them “Do you want to hang out tomorrow and go golfing or see a movie?”

9. What About Your Wedding?

It’s pretty astonishing how ingrained alcohol is to the most important moments in our life: birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, graduations. Some people can even end up having “too much fun” on their wedding nights, and fail to remember one of the most valued moments in their life. American culture has instilled the thought that special occasions mean partying, which almost always involve alcohol - but drinking is not a necessary part of legitimizing a marriage or even having fun for that matter. If you save the drinking, you will even save some of those embarrassing moments.

10. You Don’t Need Treatment

Many times the love and commitment of family and friends can be the sole cure to someone’s substance abuse problem. A 12 step-program is one of the most widely used methods to help addiction, but there are certain scenarios in which the abuse is so severe that professional medical attention is needed. The withdrawal from drugs such as alcohol, benzodiazepines, and opiates can be very severe and in some cases deadly. Detox treatment is essential for a severe user of these drugs, and with proper medical treatment and attention, these side effects can be prevented or at least managed.

Each person is different and has a different mindset. Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous have been around since 1935 and have helped many people through their addiction, but this does not mean it is a guaranteed road to recovery. Some people might find the answer in counseling and therapy, residential rehabilitation centers, or even holistic treatment. Many treatment centers have an array of different techniques at their disposal because they know there is no one-size-fits-all method to curing addiction. Let them know: “We can do this together and I will help you in any way I can. Let us find the best way to help you.”

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Reach Out to Coalition Recovery for Addiction Treatment in Tampa Bay

Addiction is a disease, but there is help. If you or anyone you know needs help, don’t hesitate to reach out—that’s why we’re here. Coalition Recovery in beautiful Tampa, Fl offers an incredible clinical program for drug and substance abuse and is innovating a new approach to aftercare through higher education increasing the chance of achieving long-term recovery. Don’t wait. A better tomorrow starts here. Because tomorrow matters.