Helping someone with an addiction isn’t easy. In any confrontation, whether dirty dishes or alcoholism, you may encounter a range of deflection techniques: avoidance, anger, guilt, aggression, or anything else that prevents you from having a serious or productive conversation. Nonetheless, these conversations are imperative to overcome their struggles.
It is only through the realization that their lives have been put at risk that they will be motivated to seek treatment. Therefore, it is only by forcing them to confront the reality of their addiction that they can begin to get better.
A person’s addiction is no small obstacle. It has the potency to destroy families, relationships, and lives. It can strip individuals of their dignity in front of friends and family members. It can also have serious consequences on one’s health, including brain damage leading to memory loss, sleep disorders, heart problems, infections like Hepatitis and HIV, and an increased risk of cancer.
With of this in mind, it’s entirely normal to feel nervous about having such a challenging conversation. However, it’s important to understand no one is naturally good at confronting someone with an addiction. The process takes time and effort, but trust in yourself because you are making the right first step. A family therapy program can be a great way to start.
Prepare Yourself
This is the first necessary step in the process. You need to know why you are confronting them. Ask yourself What about their behavior is causing problems? Next, find out all you can about the addiction. Knowing all the facts and understanding where they are coming from is a necessary step in having an informed discussion.
During this time of struggle and confusion, it is easy to get caught up in the moment or have a loss for words. In order for the discussion to stay on point, it is a good idea to pre-determine what you are going to say. Have a script that outlines your thoughts. This will ensure you stay assertive when the discussion becomes difficult.
Last but not least, have a solution to their problem. Do some research on insurance coverage and recovery options and find out what the next steps should be.
Tread Lightly
Confronting someone about their addiction is a delicate subject. Therefore, find the appropriate time to do so. For example, early in the morning when they are their most clear-headed or even on a long car ride. They should be in a relaxed and comfortable environment in order for your message to resonate with them. It is also very important that they are not under the influence when they are confronted.
Tone is a critical element in ensuring the conversation stays constructive. At all times, remain gentle and open. You need to come from a place of love and understanding. Say things like:
- “I care about you and I want to help you in any way I can”
- “I love you whether you’re using or not”
- “If you need me, I’m here”
- “I love you whatever state you’re in”
- “I will be here for you because I love you and I don’t want you to feel alone”
Stay Cool
Despite how calmly you approach the situation, they may still feel attacked and retort defensively. Their actions can be infuriating, but try not to let him or her get under your skin. Stay strong and supportive. Let them know you are coming from a place of love and you want to have an effective talk. Start with, “I want to say something, just hear me out.” Chances are they will respond defensively, but any empathy you can use will help.
If their reaction is continued attack or silence, remain calm and share your feelings honestly. Whether or not they acknowledge it, it will sink in eventually. This doesn’t always happen overnight. Remember the big rule: be patient.
Be Honest, but don’t Judge
Keep it simple and tell the truth. Sometimes it is hard, but it is extremely important to resist the urge to judge. Understand addiction is never a choice and whether they know it or not, they are struggling. Criticizing someone for their actions is adding insult to injury. This will only cause distrust and resentment and a helpful relationship cannot be established.
Being honest, however, can be difficult to do without passing judgment. A good way to do this is to use “I” and not “You” when speaking with an addict, such as “I feel upset when I see you drink” rather than “You upset me when you drink”. This takes the focus and blame and directs it away from them. When they realize it affects more than themselves it will hit them harder.
Intervention
If you confront your loved one in a prepared, understanding, and loving environment, they should listen. That is a crucial first step leading to productive responses, and hopefully a willingness to change. If you have put forth all your efforts to communicate how you feel and he or she is still resistant, consider an intervention.
An intervention is a gathering of friends and family to confront someone with an addiction and to give him/her options for getting help. Interventions can be intense and intimidating, but you can hire an interventionist who is experienced in handling these types of situations. Sometimes it takes several people all supporting and sharing the same concern to get the message across.
Helping Someone with an Addiction Just Got Easier
Addiction is a disease, but there is help. If you or anyone you know needs help, don’t hesitate to reach out—that’s why we’re here. Coalition Recovery offers an incredible clinical program for drug and substance abuse and is innovating a new approach to aftercare through higher education increasing the chance of achieving long-term recovery. Don’t wait to call 888.707.2873. A better tomorrow starts here. Because tomorrow matters.