Anxiety. We’ve all heard of this little word before. We all know what it means and we definitely know how it feels. For many of us, when we feel this anxiety towards social events, it can sometimes be so severe that we refrain from them entirely. Looking back, were there times when you’ve given up on opportunities for networking? Or perhaps dating? Maybe even you’ve declined an invitation to a party because you thought the social anxiety would be too much. These avoidances are problematic because they prevent us from realizing the truth of these situations: that they are not as bad as we play them out to be. Anxiety has a tendency to exaggerate these scenarios.
But, there are certain situations in which we may be forced into these situations. For instance, we might have to take a client out to lunch or we’ve been set up on a blind date. In these instances, we might resort to more subtle forms of avoidance. Our anxious brain can be very creative sometimes, and even during social occurrences, we can still cover up our anxiousness. This, in turn, leads us from never actually facing our fears, but places us in a perpetual state of dread about the future. If we were to just face these fears - even once - we can begin to understand that these fears are dramatized.
One very common form of subtle avoidance is drinking alcohol. The reason for this is that in most social occasions, drinking is sanctioned and even outright encouraged. Therefore, this method of social anxiety suppression can be particularly tricky in managing when drinking is supposed to be what the social event revolves around. Below are three ways in which to display why drinking to lower anxiety can be particularly problematic. I have also provided solutions based on cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).
- Drinking might lead to the very same outcomes we had feared.
When we drink, it tends to lower our inhibitions. This is why we tend to feel more open and less worried about what we say or what we do. We might think this is an advantage, but it can be hard to control. More often than not, our inhibitions are lowered more than we’d like and we say or do things that we probably shouldn’t. Looking back on our actions, we might feel embarrassed about our inappropriate actions. So, ironically, we have created the monster we were initially anxious of becoming.
- Drinking might become a clutch
In instances where we feel alcohol has contributed to our social “success”, we might come to rely on drinking each and every time we need to be social. This can lead to an unhealthy spiral into addiction. Slowly, with more and more dependence on alcohol, we rely less on our own self; thus chipping away at our self-esteem and making us feel more anxious.[1]
- Drinking might become a problem of its own
Drinking to ease social anxiety is clearly not a healthy coping mechanism. Social occurrences happen just about every day - therefore to sustain this habit, you will likely have to drink just about every day. Not only that, but you might turn to alcohol to ease other of life’s anxieties. Bad day at work? Might as well drink. Someone said something that upset me? I could use a glass of wine! This will likely lead us to develop an alcohol abuse disorder.
How can we reduce this problematic drinking?
The first step is harder than you might think: realizing why and when we are drinking to cope with anxiety. The next time you find yourself drinking, ask yourself why you are pouring another drink. Is it because you are having a good time or is it to ease underlying anxieties?
Identifying the motivations for drinking can be tricky, but understanding these motivations and their influences on our behavior is a great first step in determining whether our alcohol use might be problematic. Be honest with yourself. Giving in to your ego will only hurt yourself in the long run.
Once you have identified your motives for drinking – and you’ve noticed you drink to suppress your social anxiety – the next step is to make a plan for drinking less and less. The goal is to actually let the anxiety surface. Without feeling this anxiety, it is impossible to manage, and without managing our anxiety, it will only fester.
Exposure therapy is at the center of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), which is the gold standard for evidence-based treatment for anxiety. If you are worried about surfacing your anxiety, it can be helpful to do this with a professional mental health therapist first.
I hope this article has helped you. Maybe you have realized the true intention of your drinking, or maybe you now have a set goal to limit your drinking. Either way, I wish you the best of luck. While this article is purely informational, if you believe you might be struggling with mental health problems and/or substance-related issues; please reach out to one of our representatives here at Coalition Recovery –(888) 707-2873. We can assist you and help you find the right kind of care.
- Rachman, S., Radomsky, A. S., & Shafran, R. (2008). Safety behavior: A reconsideration Behavior Therapy & Research, 46, 163-173. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2007.11.008
